It's been a while.
Something struck me today. In light of the madness of this semester of English classes attempting to ravish me, and education practicum hours that seem everlasting, I must realize why I am here -- doing these things -- right now. Education...er, well, LEARNING. If I don't sit back and truly think about what I'm learning everyday, then I'm simply "getting through it," and that's not enjoyable for anyone. My mindset has been "I'm a senior. I'm freaked out about that. But oh well, I just gotta make it through this/that/the other." But is it worth it just to fly through, not noticing details? No. I don't want to waste this year, this semester, this week, this day, this moment.
Where have I flung my joy?
I desire to learn to the fullest. Love to the fullest. Look around me and embrace each moment as it comes, not neglecting that the Lord has me here "for such a time as this" (Esther 4). Even today in my semi-independent study with Dr. Hanemann (I have two classes at the same time...ask me later about the madness), we were discussing a poem by TS Eliot, and a line really struck me: "This is the use of memory: / For liberation--not less of love but expanding / Of love beyond desire, and so liberation / From the future as well as the past..." ("Little Gidding"). Love is a thing that must be so completely selfless that it goes beyond your personal desires....you must think so much of the other person that what you want no longer matters--that is liberation from your selfishness--and it is beautiful! In order to be loved, I must love. I must first love Christ, and I must love the people around me. I must take each moment as a genuine opportunity to show Christ's love, and to enjoy life. To enjoy my studies, to enjoy my friends, to enjoy reading/writing papers/annoying freshman who I have to teach.
The Lord has given my love, now I must use it.
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Good call! And when you look back, you'll definitely remember those stressful, crazy moments. But only when you're looking back do you realize the stress wasn't worth it. The moments of love, the learning, the laughter, that will be worth it.
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