Romeo and such...

So, I've learned that when you teach, you learn a lot. A lot about things you never knew you'd have to think about. About the topics you're teaching (obviously), about relationships, about hardships, about ...yourself.

And through a lot of thinking and wondering, I've learned all the more that I am one of the most selfish people you'll ever meet. When I talk, I use (1st person) personal pronouns way too much. But I need to expand those to include the "you"s and the "we"s... The Lord has really been hitting me with some things recently that make me fall to my knees because there's no where else to go...the fact is, the world continually lets me down. People let me down...even friendships that I think will really last. And I see that all is fleeting.

Of course, everything in my life is relating to Romeo and Juliet, bc that's what I spend most of my time studying and discussing every day...times three. So I'm not taking the stance of "this is the most beautiful love story of all time--wah wah wah..." I'm taking the stance of "these are selfish, hasty youngins who made bad decisions and then they died bc all they did was think about the MOMENT and what they wanted RIGHT THEN." I'm sorry if that's a harsh outlook, but it's so true.

I just desire honesty in relationships. If I could truly look at all of my friends and tell them how much they mean to me, my heart would seep out of every pore of my being and only then could they see my love. I want something real that outlasts this fleeting breath that I take in and out every moment. I want to live in and through Christ, and see others in that light.

But how can the broken things be made straight? Sometimes, things break. Sometimes, you print a paper and it's beautiful and you've put so much hard work into it, and then you think you're done and the work is over, but as you pick up the pages, you get a papercut. And it's a little cut, but it hurts. And it still takes time to heal.

I'm so full of flowery metaphors, and I'm sorry. I'm just full of thoughts that I can't explain bc I can't stop questioning why... so, I don't know why in one sense, but I do know that my Lord is the sovereign God who controls the universe, down to every prick of my heart. And although I incessantly feel that I don't match up to the standards of the people around me, I don't have to. Because the God who made me also made every other beautiful thing in creation, and I have everlasting value.