I finished six weeks as a fo' sho' teacher!

I know, I haven't written in oodles of time, but seriously, this job is so much more than you could ever imagine until you're IN it...I feel like it's a 24/7 shift...I can't even sleep without dreaming about being in the classroom!

I have indeed survived the first six weeks of school in my own classroom--and what a roller coaster it has been! I don't even know how to describe the emotions I've experienced thus far in the semester.

I am in love with what I'm doing. I have to be; if I were not, I would have called it quit a month ago. Because it's hard, hard, hard. But I go in everyday, and I say, "Love them." I have that phrase written on a sticky note below my podium. Some days, a verse from my mini New Testament in my desk or a familiar hymn are the only things that get me through half the day when I just don't know if I'll be able to handle it all.

Some days, I have shed tears during my planning block or after school; others, I am skipping and doing cartwheels in the halls when the day is done. I take every day as it comes, because that is what I must do. I have students who I think may take me over the edge, but somehow, I find ways to speak to them, and it's a constant battle--but I am willing to fight for them--because I do love them (not fight with them, mind you, but for them).

I don't ever want to hear anyone say that teachers have it "easy" because they only work till 3 and get summers off. LIES! I have worked 12 hour days AT school, only to go home and still have some grading or planning to do. I know I am a perfectionist, and that is something I am trying to work on in dividing my time, but this job is craziness! I get up around 5:45, get to work an hour early, and then stay later than most in the parking lot until I give up and pack my work to finish at home after 4 or so.

Maybe the reason I do this at times is because I know I get lonely here. I am in a place where--well, there's not much, really. I don't really have a community here right now that is building me up in the Lord on a personal and daily level; I am on my own and figuring out what it is to "be a grownup" and WOAH it's just hard some days. I am blessed to have a job, and I enjoy the people there, but I also know that I'm always wanting something else. In time. I will wait upon the Lord, oh my soul.

I've been reading through Romans, and it seems like everyday I see exactly what I need in those verses. Paul's right on target with my wandering heart. I pray I will run with endurance the race that is marked for me and see my future HOPE instead of focusing on my daily "getting to tomorrow." I know that Christ is my all; I must live that.

I am going home to visit my family this Friday, which I am excited about. I am ready to gain comfort and encouragement there.

Mostly, I still can't believe that I'm actually doing this. Everyday. I am seriously in charge of 50 teenagers and their ever-molding minds! Why am I there? Because I do love them. Sometimes, that's easy to forget. But I have a savior who loves me no matter what, and that is my ever-true-and-never-failing hope.