The Riches of Grace, in "Blessings" or Sorrow

I just consumed a bowl of raisin bran for an almost-midnight snack. Lovely!

Since it is almost midnight, it is also a perfect time for me to do some thinking and analyzing. Recently, a lot of things have changed in my life. I have started to rent my own apartment (with a great roomie of course!), bought my own furniture (for the first time in my life I'll be sleeping on a FULL bed, not just a twin!), and slowly had the realization that this is a "real" job, and this is my "new" life. I am so excited and nervous all at the same time that my emotions are in a whirlwind and I've fallen almost flat because my mind has so many intersections. What is is going to be like when I'm "on my own"? (Yes, at this point you can begin singing the beautiful song from Les Mis, I'll join right in.)

Something that has struck me as interesting in my thought process is the idea of being "blessed." I have struggled a lot with that term recently because I just don't know what people mean when they say it, to be honest. Do I even know what I mean when I'm saying it?

Some Christians who came through my line at Food Lion this summer would quickly pass a tract to me and tell me to "have a blessed day;" I've seen people cry "God bless America" loudly on the streets of NYC; and "I am blessed" is a tune that we could all get stuck in our heads...but are these terms one and the same? Do we really know what we're throwing around?

The scriptures speak often of the Lord's chosen as a "blessed people," but I don't think that means he gives them whatever they want (and when they have what they want, they call themselves "blessed" as if they did something worthy of being blessed). [If you go to studylight.org and do a search on "blessed people" or "chosen people," you're likely to come up with many verses.] Basically, we're not worthy of being blessed ever, and that's why it's called a blessing--it's a special favor or act of mercy to us--those who deserve no mercy--those who are chosen, because we could not choose right on our own. [Grace is so beautiful--how could I ever forget that His goodness really makes no sense because it is so undeserved on our part?]

What I'm saying is that we should not say we're blessed just when everything is fancy dancy. Of course I know I'm blessed to have a job and a new apartment and supportive friends and family and church, but what about the believers and people everywhere who have no job, no home, no community, no food? Are they cursed because they did something to deserve wrath for the day? I would like to say no, because the Lord's ways are so much higher than mine. And when I think about all that I have right now--this job, etc.--I realize how undeserving that I am. I am not entitled to anything that I've been given, and it doesn't make sense why I've been given these things right now; but for some reason, I have. And I will use them for His glory. My own fame is worthless in the sight of the brightness of The Light of the Son. And so, I am blessed when I am flying high or in the depths of despair. It still doesn't make perfect sense to me, but it never ceases to make me see how deep/wide/beautiful the riches of His grace are, even when we don't feel outwardly "blessed." Because the gospel is not about comfort and worldly riches. If it were, there would be no grace at all because we would have no need of it. So thanks be to God for the glory in which he shows himself through grace--whether it be in our outward blessings or the beauty of knowing that a soul is rich in Jesus. What else have we need of?

Thus, I hope to be more careful in the way that I view a blessing, because I'm blessed in beauty or ashes. Still, my soul will seek Jesus. I need nothing more.

I have a Title.

Today is a day that I will never forget! I have been waiting in anxious anticipation for it, and quite honestly just wanted to get it over with because I had no clue what would hit me in the face today!

I had what I thought would be my "final interview" at Triton this morning, so when I (A) walked in, I am greeted by the principal (P) saying, "Are you ready to get started?" Let me just give you the conversation. The stuff in parenthesis is what my brain was saying inside my head:

P: Are you ready to get started?
A:(Started? What am I supposed to begin if I have no idea what it is?) Yeah, definitely!
P: Well, do you have any questions for me right now?
A: (Questions about what? Like "do I have the job?") I think the main thing would be I would just like to know what I'll be doing next so that I can get started on planning and everything! (Double meaning: either where I'll be school-wise or where I could be within THIS school-wise)
P: Alright, well I have you down for Freshman Seminar in the Fall for 3 blocks and then 4th block planning; then in the Spring you'll have planning 1st and 2 regular and 1 Honors English I.
A: Oh, wow! That sounds great! (Do I look super surprised or is this ridiculous grin just giving away my professionalism?)
P: Wonderful. So, I will send in for your contract and we'll be on our way! New teacher orientation will begin August eleventh and last three days, then the rest of the teachers come back the 17th. School starts the next week. Any other questions?
A: Do you have the curriculum for me to look over before the school year starts? (Wait, he didn't say "You're hired," but I'm pretty sure he just hired me. My name is on all of his charts. I'm an English teacher--it's official!!!)
P: Yes, I will walk you over to the lady who has those and she can make you some copies. Great to see you again!

And that was it. I had my job in my pocket (the whole time, it seems, doesn't it?). The crazy thing is, my summer was so forlorn at times and I felt as though nothing was going to come together for me at all. I had finally come to the point where I realized that if I didn't get a teaching position, I would have to be okay doing something else for a while, and things would work out in time. Many of my friends still do not have jobs, and I feel very honored to have this opportunity. It's all so surreal! I can't believe it happened in one day!

So here's what I think about this whole situation: if it were an easy summer and I had known the whole time that I had it in the bag and I didn't have to strive for my goal and search everywhere that I could for a position and be rejected a few times (all the while working at Food Lion which is just indescribable how much it makes me yearn to feel purpose in my work), I would not have appreciated this as much as I truly do right now. This job is a gift. My "birthday wish" ten days ago was to get a job. But on top of that silliness, I cried and prayed many a day and night this summer in expectation of what would occur in the end. I wanted to bring glory to the Lord in whatever work I ended up doing, and I didn't want to give up on what I thought he had gifted me in doing. So I pressed on.

This morning before my interview, I read a little in Isaiah when he says, "Here am I! send me" (6:8), and then I happened across 1 Corinthians 15:58, "Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain." These verses were a perfect reminder of His grace in my life. I started my day saying "Lord, I'm yours. I do not know what's coming, but send me to do what you will have for me. My work thus far has been hard hard hard, but I will work for you. If it be teaching or something else, put me where you will." I'm not saying that the Lord will give you whatever you want on a given day, but if we realize that His grace is sufficient for each day, we also know that "sufficient for the day is its own trouble," (Mt. 6:34)and the Lord cares for His beloved. Not that I am in any way deserving of that, but because He is love, he loves me. I do not love, or serve, or teach, or do [anything] without Him. [Yes, I am screaming and singing halleloo, and you can too!]

So, I acquired my job and set off for home. I drove all the way down 421 to the exit to 40/85 and heard this strange noise. A car pulled up beside me and the driver started motioning to my back tire and mouthing, "IT's FLAT! YOUR TIRE!" So I pulled over. The car stopped a bit in front of me and a guy walked up with a bottle of air in a can or something crazy and pumped it up for me. He said the tire looked fine, I just needed to get the valve fixed. Wheew! I just had a flat not too long ago at the end of last semester, and now here's another! Well, I started driving again and realized that poof my jankety jank tire was down again, so I called home and sent Dad to the rescue. What a crazy end to a perfect day! I was feeling so good about myself, and then I sat in a hot car all sweaty in my pretty blouse and skirt till Dad came and helped me put the little donut on my back left wheel and we drove home.

When I arrived home, I walked into the living room to find streamers and a big "Congratulations Teacher Ab!" sign in yellow. Mom made a chocolate cake with chocolate icing (my favorite food, by the way!) and we all celebrated--complete with mint choc chip ice cream!

The next couple of weeks will be crazy--next week will be my final week at Food Lion, and then the first week of August my family is going down to AL/FL to visit "the cousins" (yay!). I will need to move to Harnett County that next weekend, because I start the 11th! That's less than 3 weeks away!

And thus, I have a title. I am officially an English Teacher at Triton High School. Go Hawks!